TO THE SAME - Robert Murray Mcchene
Before going forth on the mission to Israel
EDINBURGH, March 15, 1839.
MR. DEAR MRS. THAIN, —You will think me very unkind in breaking my word to Mr. Thain, in not writing you in answer to your kind letter by him. But I did too much the week he was in Edinburgh, and fairly knocked myself up, so that I had just to lay aside my pen and suffer quietly. My friendly monitor is seldom far away from me, and when I do anything too much, he soon checks me. However, I feel thankful that I am better again this week and was thinking I would preach again. This is always the way with me. When my heart afflicts me, I say to myself: Farewell, blessed work of the gospel ministry! happy days of preaching Christ and Him crucified! winning jewels for an eternal crown! And then again, when it has abated, I feel as if I would stand up once more to tell all the world what the Lord of Glory has done for sinners.
You have sent me a pocket companion (a Bible) for Immanuel’s land. I shall indeed be very happy to take it with me, to remind me of you and your kind family, at the time when I am meditating on the things that concern our everlasting peace. All my ideas of peace and joy are linked in with my Bible; and I would not give the hours of secret converse with it for all the other hours I spend in this world.
Mr. M—is the bearer of this, and I have told him he is to call on you with it. He is one much taught of God, and though with much inward corruption to fight against, he still holds on the divine way a burning and shining lamp.
I knew you would be surprised at the thought of my going so far away; and, indeed, who could have foreseen all that has happened? I feel very plainly that it is the Lord’s doing, and this has taken away the edge of the pain. How many purposes God has in view of which we know nothing! 173 Perhaps we do not see the hundredth part of his intentions towards us in sending me away. I am contented to be led blindfold; for I know that all will redound, through the thanksgiving of many, to the glory of our heavenly Father. I feel very plainly that towards many among my people this separation has been a most faithful chastisement. To those that liked the man but not the message—who were pleased with the vessel but not with the treasure—it will reveal the vanity of what they thought their good estate. To some, I hope, it has been sent in mercy. To some, I fear, it has been sent in judgment. Above all, none had more need of it than myself; for I am naturally so prone to make an ill use of the attachment of my people, that I need to be humbled in the dust, and to see that it is a very nothing. I need to be made willing to be forgotten. Oh! I wish that my heart were quite refined from all self-seeking. I am quite sure that our truest happiness is not to seek our own, —just to forget ourselves, —and to fill up the little space that remains, seeking only, and above all, that our God may be glorified. But when I would do good, evil is present with me.
I am not yet sure of the day of my going away. There is to be a meeting on Monday to arrange matters. Andrew Bonar and Dr Black can hardly get away till the first week of April; but I may probably go before to London next week. I know you will pray for me in secret and in the family, that I may be kept from evil, and may do good. Our desire is to save sinners—to gather souls, Jew or Gentile, before the Lord come. Oh, is it not wonderful how God is making people take an interest in the Jews! Surely the way of these kings of the East will be soon prepared.
I shall be quite delighted if J—is able to take a small part in the Sabbath school. She knows it is what I always told her, —not to be a hearer of the word only, but a doer. It is but a little time, and we shall work no more here for Him. Oh, that we might glorify Him on the earth! I believe there are better ministers in store for Scotland than any that have yet appeared. Tell J—to stay herself upon God. Jesus continueth ever, He hath an unchangeable priesthood. Others are not suffered to continue by reason of death.
You expected me in Dundee before I go; but I dare not. You remember Paul sailed past Ephesus—he dared not encounter the meeting with his people. Indeed, I do not dare to think too much on my going away, for it often brings sadness over my spirit, which I can ill bear just now. But the will of the Lord be done.
Kindest regards to you all. Christ’s peace be left with you. I shall remember you all, and be glad to write you a word when I am far away. — Yours ever, etc.