Above His Education
Above His Education A young man who had been hired by the personnel department of a large supermarket chain reported to work at one of the stores. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, handed him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.” “But,” […]
A Walking Economy
A Walking Economy One man was speaking about his finances. He said, “I am like a walking economy. My hairline is in recession, my waistline is going through inflation, and together they are pushing me to depression.”
Mistakes
Mistakes When a drum major tossed his baton in Ventura, California, it hit two 4000-volt power lines, blacking out a ten-block area and putting a radio station off the air. The baton melted. A bank robber in Los Angeles told the clerk not to give him cash, but to deposit the money to his checking […]
Holding Her Tongue
Holding Her Tongue On a windswept hill in an English country churchyard stands a drab, gray slate tombstone. The quaint stone bears an epitaph not easily seen unless you stoop over and look closely. The faint etchings read: Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,Lies Arabella Young,Who on the twenty-fourth of May,Began to hold her […]
Dead Turkeys
Dead Turkeys A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
The Making of a CEO
The Making of a CEO The story is told about a CEO of a fortune 500 company who pulled into a service station to get gas. He went inside to pay, and when he came out he noticed his wife was talking with the service station attendant. She had dated the attendant before she met her […]
A Sermon from a Nut
A Sermon from a Nut A preacher gave an unusual sermon one day, and used a peanut to illustrate several things from the Bible. One of the members greeted him at the close of the service and said, “That was very interesting, Pastor. I never expected to learn so much from a nut.”
A Decisive Wife
A Decisive Wife A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded, “When we were first married, we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions, and my wife would […]
Showing Your Age
Showing Your Age One woman who was struggling with the reality of her age, asked a friend, “I don’t think I look 40-years-old, do you?” Her friend answered, “No, but you used to!”
Growing Noisy
Growing Noisy In reference to old age, Bob Hope would say, “My ankles creak, my knees crack, my ears ring, and my stomach gurgles. I’m not getting older, I’m getting noisier.”