Indications of a Bad Day

You know it will be a bad day when:

You wake up face down on the pavement.
Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill,” and your name is George.
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
Your pacemaker is recalled by the manufacturers.
You see a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your office.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You jump out of bed in the morning and miss the floor.
You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a motorcycle gang on the freeway.
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
You wake up and your braces are locked together.
You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.
Your income tax check bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.