Music Q & A

Q: How do you get two piccolos to play a perfect unison?
A: Shoot one

Q: What’s the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q: How do you make a chain saw sound like an alto sax?
A: Add vibrato.

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.

Q: What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the accordion and doesn’t.

Q: Why are pianist’s fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Q: Why are violins smaller than violas?
A: They are really the same size. Violinist’s heads are just larger.

Q: What’s the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A: The coffin has the corpse inside.

Q: How can you tell when a soprano is at your door?
A: She can’t find the key, and doesn’t know when to come in.

Q: What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
A:The viola burns longer.

Q: How can you tell when a drummer is at your front door?
A:The knock gets faster.

Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None—they can’t get up that high.

Q: How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change the bulb, and four to say, “I can do that!”

Q: What’s the range of a tuba?
A: Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

Q: What’s the difference between a violist and a dog?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.

Q: How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?
A: Give him a sheet of music.

Q: What’s the definition of a minor second?
A:Two oboe players playing in unison.

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows because no one ever watches the conductor.