Abigail - Glenn Conjurske
Abigail
Introduction
Abigail is one of the most eminent and beautiful female examples in the Bible of faith, meekness, humility, and spirituality. All these virtues shine in her every word, as well as in her whole carriage and deportment. What an anomaly, then, to find such a woman as this married to a churlish, headstrong, drunken fool. Evidently, she had been fool enough herself once upon a time, or she would never have married such a man as this. But Abigail’s folly was of an entirely different sort from that of her husband. Abigail’s folly was the folly of ignorance, while Nabal’s was the folly of wickedness. Nabal’s folly was his crime. The folly of Abigail was her misfortune. While Nabal’s folly inflicted suffering upon all around him, the folly of Abigail injured only herself. Nabal’s folly was incurable. Abigail was no doubt cured of hers very shortly after her wedding day.
Marriage and Its Challenges
Alas, the cure came too late, for marriage is “till death do us part.” What solemn words are these! “Till death do us part”! How they ought to expel every grain of carelessness from the spirit of every girl, especially, for marriage is a much greater step for a woman than it is for a man. The woman must submit. The woman must follow. And what a life of sorrow and tears will be hers if she must submit to a fool. What a life of grief a bright and intelligent woman will have if she must submit to a dull blockhead. What a life of tears and trials will be the lot of a spiritual woman if she must follow an unspiritual man. What a life of conflict will a heavenly-minded woman have if she must submit to a worldly-minded husband. What a life of insecurity will a woman have if she must follow a rash, impatient, and unstable husband.
The Commonness of Such Marriages
And yet such marriages as these are common everywhere. The church of God is full of them. A spiritually minded woman once told me, “If I had known what spirituality was, I never would have married my husband”—and yet this husband was a preacher, engaged in the work of the Lord. And there are doubtless a myriad of women who are forced to think such things, who would never say them. Let every young lady who contemplates marriage meditate long and hard on the folly of Abigail, and on the years of hopeless anguish of soul which her marriage gave to her. All the dreams of bliss with which she entered into her marriage evaporated when once she tasted the bitter reality, and now those dreams could only return to torment her.
The Pitfalls of Love and Character
We may be sure that Abigail never intended such a marriage as this. No woman does. They all look for unmixed happiness in their marriage, but a myriad of them find little else but grief. How is this? How is it that so many find the direct opposite of what they seek in a husband?
There are many things which make bad marriages. The failure to find love doubtless accounts for many, but the lack of character accounts for many more. Abigail’s plight was due to the evil character of her husband. What could love avail, when her husband was “such a son of Belial, that a man cannot speak to him”? How could love survive in the house of such a man?
The Importance of Character in Marriage
And how is it that Abigail came to marry such a man? Doubtless she paid too little heed to the man’s character. Love was all her thought, and if she could but secure love, happiness would follow of course. This is the common thought of those girls who have never tasted of the bitter cup of which Abigail must drink. A pleasing young man begins to pay attention to such a girl, and her heart is swept away. Reason and caution are but little regarded, while such pleasing emotion reigns. He regales her heart with romantic thrills. He makes her feel beautiful—desired—loved. No harm in any of that, provided it comes from a man who is fit to be her husband. But the unfit know “the way of a man with a maid” as well as the fit. This belongs to nature. The ungodly can love a woman as well as the godly. The unspiritual can love a woman as well as the spiritual. Even blockheads know how to tell a woman she is beautiful. And the heart of a woman is naturally taken by all of this—perhaps irresistibly taken. Still, her heart may be taken, and her hand withheld, as it surely ought to be if the man is for any reason unfit to be her head.
The Dangers of Rashness in Marriage
But it may be that Nabal’s character did not appear until after he was married. He may not have been a drunken churl when Abigail married him, but may have become so afterward. Such cases are common. A woman ought, therefore, to exercise the most extreme caution to marry a man whose character is not only known and acceptable but tried and confirmed and stable. A rash and unstable man is perhaps a heavier cross to the heart of a woman than a wicked one.
The Folly of Ignoring Character
But it is the young lady’s folly to pay too little attention to the man’s character, and she may have little capacity to judge of the matter. If her romantic emotions are warmed toward him, she may have no ability at all. An old proverb truly says, “If Jack’s in love, he’s no judge of Jill’s beauty.” Little harm in that, for if she is beautiful to him, what matters more? But if Jill is in love, she is no judge of Jack’s character, and this is a very serious matter. Her husband’s character is of extreme importance to every wife. He is her head. He leads, and she must follow. He determines, and she must submit. This being so, it is as heart-breaking as it is common to see young women sacrifice themselves to men who are unworthy of their confidence. Thus did Abigail, for whatever she may have been at the time of her marriage, it is certain that such a son of Belial as Nabal was unworthy of the confidence of any woman. Abigail made the mistake of her life in marrying such a man, and the same mistake is made every day, and often by girls as godly and spiritual as Abigail.
The Remedy for Foolish Choices
But is there no remedy? If there is a God, there must be a remedy, for who could believe that God designed marriage to be nothing but woe? Let the young ladies, here if anywhere, lean not unto their own understanding. They are inexperienced. They know but little of what a man’s character ought to be, and have little ability to judge of what it is. But “In the multitude of counsellors there is safety” (Prov. 11:14). Let them inquire diligently of pastors and elders and parents—of sisters and brothers and friends—and especially of married women, many of whom can doubtless tell them what to look for in the character of a man, and how to judge of his fitness. A man is not likely to give such pertinent counsel here as a woman. I have heard of a man who is proud, belligerent, and insolent telling a young lady, “You need a man like me”! His wife could probably have told her otherwise, if she had been willing to speak on the subject. Many women are not, however, and therefore the young ladies will do well to consult “a multitude of counsellors.”
Choosing the Right Man
The proud, the rash, the unstable, the belligerent, the harsh and exacting—these are unfit to be a head to a woman at all, and yet to such men as these the tender and delicate members of the weaker sex sacrifice themselves every day of the year, for lack of the extreme carefulness with which they ought to marry. Such was the misfortune of Abigail, and a very great misfortune it was for such a woman to be married to such a man.
Transformation Through Suffering
But we do not suppose that Abigail was always the deep and spiritual woman that she was when she went to meet David. Certainly, she was not born so. She was made so by the hand and the rod of God, and it may very well be that her marriage contributed more than anything else to make her what she was. It is in the school of afflictions that we gain depth and spirituality, and what greater affliction can a woman endure than to be married to such a man as Nabal? Nabal himself, then—no thanks to him—may have contributed more than anything else to fashion the beautiful spirituality which we see in his wife. Abigail’s marriage, hard as it was to tender feminine nature, was undoubtedly a great benefit to her spirit—but oh! this was a bitter school.
Abigail’s Redemption
When the Lord, however, has thus used him for the hard but wholesome discipline of the beautiful soul of Abigail, the merciful God takes him away with a stroke, and sets her free from that galling yoke.
The Conflict of Marriage
Meanwhile, she suffers on. She must be a help to a man she cannot respect. She must submit to a man she cannot trust. What daily conflicts this must thrust into her disquieted soul. She has none of the calm, none of the rest, none of the peace, none of the security which every woman hopes to find in her marriage—only conflict and disagreement and strife. What she loves, her husband hates. What she hates, her husband loves. What she is committed to, her husband despises. The things of God are all to her, and nothing to him.
The Contrast Between David and Nabal
And as with the things of God, so with the man of God. David is despised by Nabal, while he is loved and trusted by Abigail. The name of David cannot be mentioned in the house of Nabal without provoking strife. Whom Abigail honors, Nabal treats with contempt. Her reverence for David no doubt provokes the disdain of Nabal, and she doubtless hears many reproaches for it.
Abigail’s Humility and Wisdom
When David therefore sends his messengers to Nabal, in the day of Nabal’s plenty, with a request for a share in the bounty, Nabal answers with the utmost contempt. He was greeted in the name of David—a name which all Israel knew—and he responds with “Who is David? and who is the son of Jesse? There be many servants now a days that break away every man from his master. Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?” He speaks as though he knows nothing of who or what David is, but this is not the language of sincere ignorance, but of contempt. Abigail knew all the affairs of David, and Nabal must certainly have known them also, and it may have been his wife’s well-known admiration for David which moved Nabal thus to treat him with contempt, as soon as the opportunity offered.
Abigail’s Courage and Action
David was fighting the battles of the Lord, and doubtless supposed himself entitled to the support of the Israelites. Not only so, but he had been a wall of defense to Nabal also, and might therefore present a double claim to him. Nabal views the matter otherwise. This is “my bread,” and “my water,” and “my flesh,” and what right has David to any of it?
Abigail’s Intervention
It soon comes to the ears of Abigail that “Evil is determined against our master, and against all his household.” “Then Abigail made haste, and took two hundred loaves, and two bottles of wine, and five sheep ready dressed, and five measures of parched corn, and an hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on asses. And she said unto her servants, Go on before me; behold, I come after you. But she told not her husband Nabal.” All this she did not only without the knowledge of Nabal, but directly contrary to his known wishes. Nabal’s goods must go to David. Nabal’s asses must bear them. Nabal’s servants must conduct them. Nabal’s wife must accompany them. Nabal himself shall know nothing of the matter. So decrees Nabal’s wife, and so her decree is carried out with haste. Yet in all this we see no sin in Abigail. There are occasions when to serve God we must set ourselves against the wills of those who oppose him, though they be in authority over us, and in the case before her, to serve God she must serve the man of God. So Abigail perceives, and so she does.
Abigail’s Speech to David
She rides with haste, for there is little time to lose. Her meeting with David, and her deportment and speech on that occasion, are all so beautiful—so full of faith and meekness and humility—so full of spiritual wisdom and depth—that I can do no less than quote the whole of it:
Abigail’s Unwavering Faith
The deportment of Abigail is as beautiful as her countenance. Though we see her on her face at the feet of David, yet morally she is far above him. His heart is full of personal indignation. Hers is full of faith. His mouth is full of fleshly imprecations. Hers is full of spiritual wisdom. His feet are swift to shed blood. Hers are swift to save life. He makes haste to sin. She makes haste to prevent sin.
Conclusion
We observe also the strong and unwavering faith of this woman. None of her sufferings and personal disappointments have robbed her of her faith. Though the hand of God has dealt a bitter portion to herself, yet her confidence in him is both bright and steadfast. ‘Tis true, she has no faith at all for Nabal. She has resigned his case as hopeless. For herself, however, she has faith. She yet expects the blessing of God, for she says to David, “When the Lord shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid.” Whatever Abigail may have meant by this in particular, it is certain that in general she looked for some good thing to come.